also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize