thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
