You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
