That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
