He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
