oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
being pregnant is like rehab
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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