Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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