Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
