why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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