just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
