when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
