You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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