I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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