I don't remember. Are we still dating?
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
