Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
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