The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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