you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
