i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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