new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
