You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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