you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize