and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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