Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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