Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
he laminated a picture of his dick.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
