im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
