Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
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