im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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