Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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