hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
