90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
