do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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