i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
