I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
