based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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