May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Randomize
