I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
My pussy is not your playground.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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