Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
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