Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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