all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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