yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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