On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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