Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize