tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
