She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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