I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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