My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
