Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
