Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
did i just pee glitter
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
