I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Randomize
