You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
