Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
