guys are only as good as the porn they watch
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
