my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
