No awkward lesbian experiences without me
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
now i know why i became what i already was.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
