You don't have asthma, your pregnant
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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