He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
