I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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