...so i touched it.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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