VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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