Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
