After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
