i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
