I am full of burrito and curiosity
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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