someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Randomize
