I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Randomize