He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
